I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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