Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
