He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
