she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Come on in and take your pants off
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