I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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