If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
