yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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