stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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