I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
