No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Bring me that man meat
Drake has all the answers
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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