Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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