Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
She announced her abortion via fbk
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
