I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
