im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
