We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
