he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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