Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize