I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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