you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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