we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
