so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
