he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
