She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
