So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize