somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
