I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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