ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
