Non-Jews are for practice
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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