Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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