Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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