Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
