I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
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