he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
