the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
