then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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