he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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