I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
