im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
