lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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