I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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