Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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