Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
