If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
