there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize