that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize