Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
