best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
