Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Randomize
