True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
try to milk me bitch
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
