Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
