If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
