well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
