I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
