she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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