i just wanna soil my oats bro
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
