I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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