You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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