There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
