Kiss
Puke
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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