i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
