Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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