don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
