I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
