Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
