By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
don't judge my taste in strippers
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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