I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
