scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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