but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
