Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
