My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
