dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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