i think my tv is drunk
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
