i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
