I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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