Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
May the power of my ass compel you!!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
