So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
