Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
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