he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
