I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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