New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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